


Same, Same, but Different

by 8Verity8



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Arthur and Merlin ARE related, Coming of Age, Half-Sibling Incest, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Incest, M/M, Merthur endgame, Past Merlin/Freya - Freeform, Remix Fic 2019, Will is the best, You Have Been Warned, past merlin/mordred - Freeform, seriously read the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-06-24 21:14:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19731904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8Verity8/pseuds/8Verity8
Summary: Merlin has an older (half) brother Arthur, from his Dad's first marriage, but to be honest Merlin has always felt like more of an only child than anything. Arthur seems cool enough from what little he remembers, but hell, Arthur left for London when Merlin was like 6 and he only saw Arthur at important family functions. Then he left for the states and for years Merlin didn't even see him at all... It's not like they have a brotherly connection or anything.Or Merlin's modern coming of age story that ends up taking a wild left turn when Merlin's absent (hot as fuck!) half-brother Arthur returns.





	Same, Same, but Different

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Whatever We Are, We Are The Same](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3429221) by [wyvern](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvern/pseuds/wyvern). 



> This work contains half-sibling gay incest. If that is not you're thing, cool. Don't read! You have been warned. A LOT.
> 
> *The underage warning/tag is for referenced mutual underage experimentation. Merlin is over the age of consent in England (where the story takes place) during all referenced or actual scenes depicting Merlin engaging in sexual activities with older individuals.
> 
> This story is not brit picked or Beta'd, all mistakes are mine... but I tried!
> 
> See the end for more notes, I didn't want to spoil the story at all.

Merlin’s childhood was a happy one.

He had grown up with two loving parents in a comfortable middle-class suburb. His family was well off financially—not rich mind you—but not poor either. He was the kind of kid who came off shy at first glance but who had a natural charm about him that just attracted people. He made friends easily and while he was never considered one of the “popular kids” he had always been liked well enough by his classmates and teachers alike. 

Technically, Merlin wasn’t an only child. He had an older brother, well half-brother really, from his Dad’s first marriage. The age gap between them though was so large that Arthur had already left for college before Merlin started forming any lasting childhood memories. Therefore, all of Merlin’s memories of Arthur growing up were associated with the holidays or his Dad’s gruff orders to say “Hi” as a phone was shoved in his face whenever his brother happened to call them from London.

All in all, Arthur had never felt like Merlin’s brother. If anything, Arthur was more like an exotic Uncle, sweeping in and out of Merlin’s life at random intervals and leaving fun presents and cool stories in his wake. Merlin never resented his absence much, on the contrary he had developed a minor case of hero worship for the man and was always excited to see him when he came to town.

Arthur was too big for a small town like Ealdor, anyway. No, Arthur _belonged_ in a big, glamorous city like London. Which he was fond of telling his best friend Will, the unfortunate recipient of many of Merlin’s (repetitive) Arthur stories, each time Arthur would leave town again. In Merlin’s young, adolescent mind Arthur had taken on a role of mythic proportions. He was the valiant knight, the suave secret agent, the noble hero… and whatever else Merlin’s eager imagination could come up with. Merlin could hardly believe that he was even related to someone like Arthur and was perfectly happy and content with the current status quo. Arthur was off having great adventures and Merlin got to ride on the coattails of his great deeds, regaling an enthralled audience of equally impressionable small-town kids with embellished stories about Arthur that only the really young can make up… or believe. No one seemed to mind. Arthur looked like a hero, everyone agreed, and so he was. It had all made perfect sense when they were little.

But then Arthur left.

~

At 14, Merlin had been forced to stand with his parent’s and wish Arthur a mumbled, “good luck” he didn’t really mean as his mother tearfully hugged Arthur farewell. Uther was next, giving Arthur a brusque embrace while Merlin just shuffled his feet in the background, feeling awkward.

In the end, a hand had reached out, catching him by surprise. Arthur had affectionately mussed up his hair for a second and told him to be good before adding, ‘not too good though’ with a conspiratorial wink. Merlin had caught the tail end of a wistful smile as Arthur’s hand dropped away and grabbed the handle of his suitcase before turning and heading deeper into the airport. He glanced back once in their direction before he turned a corner and was out of sight.

Merlin’s mom had let out a sad sigh and then plastered a smile on her face, asking Merlin if he would like to grab some ice-cream on the way home as they turned away too and walked back to the car.

And that had been that.

~

  


Merlin was understandably disappointed that first Christmas when Arthur didn’t make it home but had been easily distracted by his own adolescent issues. On New Year’s Eve, during a game of spin-the-bottle Freya and Merlin had kissed. Merlin had been underwhelmed to be honest, but this had somehow meant that Merlin and Freya were now boyfriend and girlfriend, because apparently that’s how these things worked. It had been an incredibly awkward 17 days for Merlin before Freya had finally broken up with him.

She had been crying, well sobbing really—it hadn’t been anyone’s definition of pretty—as she confessed to Merlin in a staggering whirlwind of words how she had cheated on him by kissing Will, and how they both felt absolutely terrible about it, but they really liked each other now and she was so sorry, but they wanted to be together and could he please forgive them both?

A myriad of emotions had filled Merlin then, including but not limited to, confusion, fear, amusement, shock… But in the end, that was all overshadowed by a profound sense of relief. He hadn’t really _wanted_ to be Freya’s boyfriend. Didn’t really understand the hype of this whole sex thing at all. So, in his opinion this latest development had worked out rather nicely for him.

He’d thanked Will later for taking one for the team, so he wasn’t forced to, which he had realized after the fact was probably not the correct response. Will had looked at him like he was mental but had been too relieved that Merlin didn’t hate him in order to push the issue.

In hindsight, he probably should have realized something was up after the whole Freya incident, but it wasn’t until a new transfer student came to their school that things started to really click for Merlin.

At 15 Merlin had met Mordred and had finally understood why all his friends felt the need to act like hormone driven idiots. Mordred was “Pretty” with a capital “P.” But he wasn’t just pretty, he was _distracting_. He made Merlin long for things he didn’t understand and for the first time Merlin began to question everything he had been taught or thought he knew. To find answers, Merlin had turned to the internet. To do _research._ A great deal of research and a lot of porn later Merlin knew without a shadow of a doubt that he liked men. Like, really, _really_ liked them.

Mordred, the object of his ~~obsession~~ affections, had turned out to be more than amenable to some first-hand field research, as it were, and had subsequently become many of Merlin’s firsts. His first _real_ kiss (Merlin wasn’t really sure Freya should count), his first hand-job, his first (really bad) attempt at a blow job—that was never to be spoken of again on pain of death—and his first heartbreak.

Mordred had been forced to move again over the summer after his Dad lost his job. It had been bittersweet. They had both made half-hearted promises to keep in touch, knowing that they wouldn’t, and life had moved on.

Merlin officially came out to his parents before school started up again, telling them over dinner one night with a forced casualness that did nothing to hide his nervousness. His mom had smiled, thanked him for telling her, and told him she loved him. The, _I already knew that_ was left unspoken but heavily implied by her tone, but he had appreciated her for not giving voice to the sentiment.

His Dad had just grumbled that he didn’t really need to know the details of his son’s sex life before ordering Merlin to keep his bedroom door open whenever he had boys over in the future. After rolling her eyes with barely contained mirth his mom had asked him if he wanted any more mashed potatoes, before scooping the remainder out on to her own plate.

It had been a bit of a letdown to be honest.

Merlin came out to his friends shortly after, again to little fanfare. He had apparently moped around so much in the aftermath that Freya and Will had finally conspired to throw him a “Coming Out” party. As much as he hated to admit it, the party had done the trick. It’s not that he had wanted his friends and family to react poorly or anything, it’s just, that it was somewhat insulting that no-one had been surprised at all.

Merlin had stressed and fretted about revealing something he felt was very personal and an essential part of who he was… and everyone seemed to just, already know. It was like Merlin’s big revelation about himself hadn’t been the big deal he thought it was. And almost as if he had been the last one to the party, the last one to know that _he_ was gay… and that just wasn’t fair, damn it, it was _his_ story.

He deserved a party, thank you very much.

~

  


When he was 16 Merlin finally learned how to give—and even better, how to _receive—_ a good blowjob. It had been revolutionary. It had been the gateway into Merlin’s second sexual awakening. He began experimenting with toys, discreetly procured of course, and with porn. Discovering his likes and dislikes. When the opportunities arose, he experimented with other young, fumbling boys in hidden corners and dark closets. And on one rather momentous occasion a twenty-something at a party that Merlin was most definitely not supposed to be at. No one knew about that encounter though, for obvious reasons, and he planned to keep it that way.

By the time Merlin was 17 he was adored as a sweet little angel by his parents and his teachers alike. A shy, yet bright kid who had a lot of potential and was such a well-mannered young man. He was all those things, well mostly at least, but he was also coincidentally the type of person who had consciously cultivated such a reputation, knowing full well that it let him get away with things he might not otherwise.

All in all, he was a typical teenager.

Arthur had faded into the background of his life and memory. No longer the hero of Merlin’s story, he barely rated a footnote. Arthur was nothing more to Merlin at that point than the occasional tidbit over the dinner table or a card during Christmas or at birthdays…

But then Arthur came home.

~

  


“Hey, wait up!”

Merlin glanced behind him, slowing his pace to let Will catch up before he resumed his former brisk pace. Will panted beside him, catching his breath in the sweltering summer heat until they reached the next block and crossed the street.

“So—” Will began hesitantly. “Your brother is coming home today, right?”

“Yeah, my parents left this morning to pick him,” Merlin confirmed.

“You must be excited to see him again,” Will prompted gently.

“I suppose,” Merlin replied with a non-committal shrug of his shoulders.

Merlin missed the eye roll Will aimed at the back of his head as he trudged on silently and continued staring at the street ahead, very pointedly ignoring his friend. Will, however, was undeterred.

“Oh _come on_ , Merlin! You used to idolize him. It was always, ‘Arthur this, and Arthur that…’ I figured you would be over the moon that he’s finally coming home! Not moping around or whatever _this_ is—” Will said, waving his hands at Merlin in an exasperated gesture to emphasize his point. “—that you’re doing.

Merlin tried to stare him down, but Will stubbornly held his ground until Merlin caved. Merlin had always been a complete pushover when it came to Will, something he knew he should probably resent but had accepted long ago as just the way their friendship worked.

“Okay, fine. So I’m not exactly _excited_ that my “brother” is coming to stay with us,” Merlin grumbled with half-hearted finger quotes. “You happy?”

“Yeah, but why? I mean—”

“Why should I be?” Merlin exclaimed. “I haven’t seen the guy in almost four years! Hell, we hardly even spoke _before_ he left, let alone after. Arthur’s a complete stranger to me, but everyone expects me to just play along and be cool with him randomly popping back up into our lives again.”

Will opened his mouth to respond, but now that the floodgates had been opened, Merlin was on a roll.

“I’m just sick of everything being about Arthur all of a sudden, when he didn’t even have the decency to come back and visit us once, you know? I’m sick of everyone expecting me to be the same starry-eyed kid I was before he left, like no time has passed at all. I’m not the same person, and I doubt he is either. I don’t know how to _be_ his brother. He never really felt like a brother to begin with, and now—”

Merlin paused to inhale, exhaling again with a deep sigh.

“Look, the guy is basically a stranger to me, you know?” He quirked his lips in a rueful smile as he looked at Will. “And besides, he’s only going to be here for like a month then he’ll just disappear again, and we’ll only see him on holidays. If then,” he ended in a huff.

“Yeah, I get how that could be frustrating,” Will said. “But he’s also traveled more of the world now, and I bet he has a lot of new interesting stories—”

Merlin scoffed at that, but Will plugged on.

“All I’m saying Merlin, is that you might as well make the best of it while he’s here,” he argued. “You said he was like a complete stranger to you, right? Well, if he’s only gonna be here for a month it seems like it would kinda be a waste to not get to know him while you can…”

Will trailed off and Merlin considered his words. After a moment of silence, broken only by the sounds of their feet scuffling along the pavement, Merlin stuck his tongue out at him before breaking into a reluctant grin.

“I hate it when your right,” Merlin grumbled.

“Oh, please,” Will huffed. “I’m always right! Your life would be so much easier if you would just accept—hrmph!”

Will was cut of mid-sentence when Merlin jumped on him playfully and pulled him into a headlock.

“You were saying?” Merlin asked smugly.

“Oi, get off me—” Will yelled, spinning neatly out from underneath Merlin.

The two swatted at each other for a few minutes, chasing each other down the street until Merlin’s house came into view. They mutually came to stop, their playful mood interrupted by more sober concerns as they stood on the corner and watched the house awkwardly.

“I guess, I should just get this over with,” Merlin sighed, squaring his shoulders back with a resigned look.

“You got this man,” Will said, giving him an encouraging slap on the shoulder. “I’m sure everything is going to be just fine.”

~

  


“Oh my god Will, everything is _not_ fine,” Merlin hissed a few days later. “You’re a dirty, rotten, horrible liar and I hate you!”

“Oh come on Merlin, it can’t be that bad,” Will’s disembodied voice answered through the phone. Merlin couldn’t see him, but he just knew that Will was fighting not to laugh. He could hear it in his tone.

“This is not funny Will! I’m having an existential crisis of the gay variety here! And you are _not_ helping!”

“So you think your brother is hot,” Will replied. “Big deal.”

He let out a small, undignified shriek, that he would vehemently deny later, before he whisper yelled at Will to shut his stupid face. He glanced frantically around the café to see if anyone might have overheard something incriminating. Ealdor was a small town, he wasn’t taking any chances.

“I swear to god Will if you tell anyone about this, and I mean _anyone_ —intentionally or not, I will eviscerate you in your sleep. So help me Will, I’ll do it

“Eviscerate, huh?” Will laughed. “Those are some mighty big words there—”

“Will—” Merlin interrupted, the threatening tone in his voice speaking volumes.

“All right, all right. Sheesh. I don’t see what the big deal is anyway,” Will grumbled. “I mean, weren’t you the one just saying that he was basically a complete stranger to you. It’s not like the two of you grew up together or anything.”

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think that’s how everyone else will see it—” Merlin retorted.

“Well fuck everyone else then,” Will retorted. “Or better yet, just fuck that hot arse brother of yours. Maybe you’re just attracted to him because of the whole forbidden thing, you know. So, just have a night—or two, I don’t judge—of wild, passionate sex and get it out of your system.”

Merlin gave an indignant gasp at the suggestion and then promptly started choking on his own spit. A few garbled words escaped as he fought for air and tried to come up with a coherent response. Will, either oblivious to Merlin’s plight or simply not caring, continued on.

“—I mean, it’s not like you can get pregnant or anything, and even if you could you’re only half siblings. I mean it took the royals generations of marrying their cousins before they went bat-shit crazy, so you all wouldn’t have anything to worry about on that front.”

“Stop!” Merlin begged him, still a bit breathless as he fought to get a full lungful of air into his aching chest. “I’m not going to fuck… _you know_.” Merlin caught himself before he could say, ‘ _my brother,’_ whispering the last bit with another quick glance around the room. His shoulders visibly relaxed when he realized no one in the room was paying any attention to him, or to the life-altering conversation he was having with Will.

“If you say so,” Will chuckled. “Well, I’m here for you either way. And I won’t think less of you if you do. It’s kinda hot, actually.”

“Ew, seriously Will, I don’t even know why I’m friends with you sometimes!”

“Aw, come on Merls, you know you love me.”

“I must have been dropped on my head as a baby or something, it’s the only explanation that makes sense.” Merlin retorted.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself to make it through the day,” Will replied magnanimously.

“Hey, I got to go, my mom’s calling for me. I’ll talk you soon though, okay?” he continued, cutting off Merlin’s scathing reply.

“Okay,’ Merlin agreed, switching gears gratefully. “Say ‘Hi’ to your mom for me.”

“Will do,” Will promised before the line went dead.

Merlin stared at his phone as Will’s words echoed inside his brain, stirring up images of his older brother. Of Arthur. In the quiet of his own mind, Merlin let himself entertain the possibility of Will’s unorthodox suggestion. Was this all just physical? Was it just because Arthur was off limits, was someone forbidden? Merlin’s imagination quickly took a nosedive, straight into the gutter as he let himself picture Arthur in a variety of scenes, testing his own reactions to each one, trying to figure out what it was about Arthur that attracted him so damn much.

Hot, sweaty and bent over their kitchen counter, stretching after a run and giving Merlin a sultry smirk as he purposely displayed all his best assets for Merlin’s viewing pleasure.

Or walking out of the lake, the sun reflecting off the water as it dripped lazily down Arthur’s front, his threadbare swimsuit, a relic from his high school days, leaving little to the imagination as he invited Merlin to lick him dry.

Arthur, shirtless and covered in dirt, that mouth-watering arse teasing him again as Arthur bent over to pull weeds in the garden before inviting Merlin to _“plow his field.”_

Merlin snorted slightly at the ridiculousness of his own imagination. The problem was, each and every one of the scenarios in his head had a basis in truth. It had gotten so bad that Merlin was tempted to call Arthur a fucking cock tease, except for the fact that Merlin was Arthur’s _brother_ and there was no way in hell he was trying to seduce him. It was far more likely that Arthur was just acting comfortable in his own home, assuming, rightly so, that he was in a safe space free of ogling eyes and perverts.

“Oh god,” Merlin moaned as his head hit the table with a thunk. “I am definitely going to hell over this.”

  


~

  


Merlin tried to be good, he really did. He figured that if he could just see less of Arthur then his inappropriate little obsession with Arthur would naturally fizzle out. His efforts to make himself scarce were thwarted by both Will—who refused to let him come stay at his and insisted on inviting Arthur along every time they did _anything_ —and his parents who insisted that he spend time with his brother in their absence since they were too busy with work and other grown-up things.

His insistence that Arthur was a god damn adult who could bloody well take care of himself and would probably not appreciate a 17-year old babysitter had not gone over well with either of his parents. They had both expressed their disappointment and admonished him to be a better brother to Arthur.

 _“Brother,_ right—” Merlin had bemoaned silently as he’d slunk off to his bedroom. It had taken less than an hour before he was coming all over his chest whimpering Arthur’s name.

Merlin quickly become desensitized to the shame he’d initially felt over his unnatural desire for Arthur. Which was for the best, because he simply didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with an existential crisis of the moral variety at the moment. So he desired Arthur, who was _technically_ his brother, so what. Desire was a fickle thing, he knew that better than most, it’s not like he had never fantasized about someone totally inappropriate before.

The key was to not act on that desire.

So no, Merlin couldn’t quite manage “good,” but in this particular case he would settle for “not bad.”

  


~

  


“I swear to god Will, that man would try the patience of a Saint,” Merlin exclaimed one afternoon as soon as Arthur left on a supply run to the store.

“Um—” Will offered, but Merlin didn’t need a response before he continued.

“It’s like he _knows_ Will! He keeps wearing these tight pants, and these tight shirts. When he even wears a shirt! And he’s always bending over right in front of me or striking these little poses… and I swear he keeps giving me these little smirks when he catches me staring. Like he knows I’m enjoying the view, like he’s mocking me—”

“Or _maybe_ , Will interrupted loudly, cutting off Merlin’s rambling. “He showing off because he _likes_ that you’re enjoying the view.”

“Yeah right,” Merlin scoffed.

“ _Maybe_ ,” Will continued pointedly, staring Merlin down. “He’s got the hots for you too and doesn’t know how to handle it either—”

“Seriously Will,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes and gesturing to himself. “You’ve seen me, right? I mean, I’m not ugly or anything, but I’m definitely not in Arthur’s league.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit mate,” Will said with a sigh. “Besides, it’s not like he could make the first move even if he _is_ into you. He’s got a lot more at stake in this situation… I mean, imagine what people would say if they knew he had seduced his sweet, innocent little baby brother.”

Will batted his eyes at Merlin demurely and earned a glare in response.

The sound of a car coming up the drive punctuated the sound of Will’s laughter and the subject was dropped.

  


~

  


Will’s words keep haunting Merlin, bouncing around inside his head, making it even more difficult to keep playing his role of the “friendly brother who definitely does _not_ want to jump your bones” around Arthur. Every one of Arthur’s actions was now filtered through this tainted idea of “what if” until things came to a head one day and Merlin decided to do something about it once and for all.

It was family game night, an idea Merlin’s mom had gotten from Will, the filthy little traitor, and Merlin and Arthur were in the living room setting up the game while his mom made snacks in the kitchen and their Dad finished a few things for work in the office.

“Hey! The top hat is mine,” Merlin protested, lunging forward to grab the piece from Arthur’s hand.

“I got it first,” Arthur argued, holding the piece out of reach. “You’ll have to choose another.”

“But, I’m always the top hat,” Merlin replied stubbornly.

Before he could think about what he was doing Merlin had launched himself at Arthur, knocking him over and pinning him to the ground as he scrambled to wrench the metal piece from Arthur’s grip. Arthur kept his fist stubbornly closed as he flipped Merlin on to his back, pinning him to the floor. Merlin writhed beneath him, struggling to free himself even as he desperately tried to hide just how much he was enjoying the weight of Arthur’s body on top of him.

A soft moan suddenly punctuated the more acceptable grunts and gasps that had previously filled the room and they both froze. At first, he thought he was the one that’d fucked up, that he’d created this time bomb between them that had no choice now, but to blow up in their faces. But then he looked up at Arthur and saw the same panic he was feeling mirrored back at him. Suddenly he wasn’t so sure. Before he could think better of it, Merlin arched his back slightly, not by much, just enough to let Arthur feel the hardness between his legs he’d been previously trying to hide.

Merlin’s absolutely terrified by his own brazenness, but then he feels an answering twitch from Arthur’s equally hard and obviously interested cock. Arthur shudders above him before grinding down, almost involuntarily, against Merlin, eliciting a whimpered moan from Merlin as pleasure stabs through him.

And then Arthur’s gone, mumbling something about the bathroom before he literally runs from the room. Merlin lays their dazed for a moment before following after him, he’s not sure what he’s going to do, but he can’t stay on the floor for their parents to find. Not like this.

He hears muffled sounds coming from the bathroom as he approaches and can’t help stopping. Glancing down the hall to make sure he’s not about to get caught sneaking around his own house he silently moves closer to press his ear to the door.

Quiet gasps and desperate little moans assault his ears, leaving little doubt about what his brother is doing on the other side of the door. He’s in there right now, jerking off… because of him. After weeks of denying his own desires that thought alone almost makes him come, but he knows he’ll be caught if he makes a sound and that’s the last thing he wants.

He leans softly against the wall, slipping a hand down to discreetly palm himself while biting his own fist to muffle any sounds that might escape. Through the wall Arthur moans Merlin’s name, breaking off with a stuttering gasp before everything goes silent.

A stab of lust shoots through Merlin, leaving him dizzy with want. His cock is aching and hard as it leaks in his pants and he knows it won’t take more than a few pulls before he’s coming. In his distracted state he’s completely forgotten that Arthur is still on the other side of the door and having concluded his business will be appearing momentarily. He’s therefore taken by complete surprise when the door opens and Arthur is suddenly standing in front of him, flushed and sated looking. A look that quickly turns to one of suspicious confusion upon seeing Merlin.

“Uh, had to use the—” Merlin gestures towards the bathroom as he stumbles over his words.

“Oh, yeah, right. Of course,” Arthur’s stammers, his face turning a furious shade of red as he hastily moves out of the way and disappears down the hall.

Merlin slams the door shut behind him and scrambles to unbutton his jeans. He doesn’t even bother to lock the door, just leans against it and jerks off quickly as he replays Arthur moaning his name over and over in his head. It takes him less than a minute before he’s coming in thick hot spurts, panting and whimpering against the door.

He lets himself bask in the afterglow for a minute before reluctantly cleaning himself up. As he does, he idly wonders if Arthur had turned around to eavesdrop on him as well or if he’d actually made good on his escape. The thought makes his cock stir with interest again, just as his mom knocks on the door to ask him if everything is okay.

“I’m fine,” he calls, splashing water on his face. “I’ll be right down.”

“Okay,” Hunith tells him. “But hurry up, we can’t start the game without you.”

Arthur doesn’t say a word when their Dad hands him the top hat piece.

  


~

“For fucks sake Merlin, would you _please_ stop all this pining and just go and seduce that damn man already!”  


Merlin released a startled yelp at Will’s outburst and looked over at his friend with a look of chagrin.

“I wasn’t, I mean—” Merlin gave denial a half-hearted attempt before giving in with a groan.

“I’m _sorry,”_ he whined, throwing an arm over his face as he flopped backwards and sprawled dramatically across the bed they were sitting on. “I can’t help it,” he added petulantly, although the sound was muffled by the fabric of his sleeve.

It didn’t matter, Will had all the details. He had heard them over and over again. He had suffered silently as Merlin analyzed and nit-picked every minute aspect of the “event” as he now called it. In the aftermath, he had given Merlin his support (and some damn perspective) whenever Merlin freaked out over Arthur’s polite but increasingly distant behavior. He had put up with Merlin’s continuous “He wants me, he doesn’t want me…” ponderings, and the constant refrain of, “But what does it all _mean?”_

Frankly, he had been an amazing and supportive best friend, but it would seem that even the best of friends had their limits.

“Seriously mate, your pining,” Will said matter-of-factly as he lifted Merlin’s arm to glare down at him. “He’s been gone for 3 weeks, and everything out of your mouth is _still_ Arthur this and Arthur that. Please, for your own sanity, and more importantly mine, go seduce that man once and for all and be done with it.”

“Yeah, but what if he doesn’t—” Merlin interjected.

“Then you’ll know once and for all and we can all move on!” Will retorted.

“Okay, but what am I going to do if he does…” Merlin trailed off, letting the thought hang in the air.

Will sighed deeply before responding, “Then you fuck his brains out and either A: get it out of your system or B: start looking for a good University in London. Don’t bother worrying about the rest before you know there’s actually something to worry about.”

“You almost sound wise, and its freaking me out a little,” Merlin grumbled.

“Yeah, well you want to fuck your brother, so—” Will replied with a smirk.

Merlin sat up and smacked Will over the head in retaliation, “Arse.”

“Yes, but I’m your arse,” Will replied with mock seriousness before they both broke down laughing.

“Okay,” Merlin said finally, his light-hearted smile giving way to resolve. “I’m going to do it.”

~

Two-hour train rides left one with a lot of time to think. Merlin hadn’t decided yet if this was a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand it had given him time to plan his upcoming seduction of Arthur. To run through any potential arguments that Arthur might come up with and figure out how to counter them. On the other hand, this was the kind of thing one usually did without a lot of forethought and all the thinking was beginning to wear down his resolve as he became increasingly more nervous.

He honestly thought he might be sick as he deboarded the train, and considered turning around, buying a ticket straight back home and forgetting this whole damn misadventure. He made it as far as checking the train schedules for the next departing train to Ealdor and discovered that the next train didn’t leave until the following morning. He decided to take that as a sign, that the universe was telling him to suck it up already and go seduce his brother. At the very least he’d probably end up sleeping on a couch if he failed instead of spending the night alone in a train station.

With that decided he took out his mobile and looked up the directions to Arthur’s new place. Twenty minutes away via the underground. Right, he could do this. On a whim he sent off a quick text to Arthur as he got in line to buy his ticket.

_You’re a clotpole_

He smirked as he hit send and pocketed his phone again, grabbing his wallet from his pocket as he hit the front of the line. His phone buzzed in his pocket as he grabbed his ticket from the machine and looked around for directions to the line he needed.

_That’s not a word you big baby_

He snorts at Arthur’s reply before quickly typing out his response.

_How about ‘prat’?_

He didn’t bother to pocket his phone this time as he descended the stairs to the blue line platform, hoping that he would still have service deeper underground. He didn’t have to wait long for Arthur’s reply.

_Technically a word but if some1 is 1 its u merlin_

_Well, at least I know how to use proper spelling and punctuation._

He chuckled as he hit send. A female voice announced the arrival of the train and warned passengers to mind the gap as the train in question pulled into the station and the doors opened. Merlin boarded quickly and plopped down into an empty seat, settling his backpack next to him before giving his phone, and Arthur his attention again.

_Jfc u pretentious little shit. If u were here u wouldn’t b so brave_

Merlin’s breath caught in his throat as he read Arthur’s latest text. He deliberated for a minute or two how he should respond. Should he be cheeky? Play it more serious? Should he confess that he’s actually a lot closer than Arthur thinks? He wrote out and erased his response several times before deciding that simple and to the point was the way to go.

_Are you sure?_

_Y?_

Merlin smirked at the response. He was having fun teasing Arthur, it made him feel braver, more bold.

_I can definitely beat you, you know._

_Beefed up in a few weeks have u?_

_Maybe I let you win last time. Didn’t want to make Dad cry that his eldest son is such a Nancy_

_boy_

_I_ _swear don’t write checks ur body cant cash_

Fuck, Merlin stares at the last message for a minute, trying to decide how he should reply to _that_. Does he play it off, or… That’s the real question isn’t it. While Merlin debates his stop is announced and he scrambles to collect his things and exit the train. It’s a minute before he can extract himself from the small crowd of commuters exiting the station and lean against a wall to write his response.

_I know you felt it. My cock. When we were wrestling._

He hits send and proceeds to panic. Fuck, what if Arthur call him out, calls him a sick freak. Or worse, what if he denies everything. Or god, what if he thinks Merlin’s calling _him_ out? Well, at least he has some control over that last one, before he has the chance to talk himself out of it, he sends off a series of rapid texts that leave no doubt about the outcome he’s hoping for.

_It likes you._

_It wants you to hold me down and fuck me._

Merlin waits for a few awkward minutes against the wall as people rush past him. Alternating between staring at his phone intently and purposely people watching in an attempt to ignore that Arthur is not responding to him. Merlin feels more mortified with each passing minute…

_Please say something. Just ignore those messages if you think I’m a freak._

Merlin hits send and then starts looking around wondering if he should just make his way back to the train station he was at earlier. He can just wait there for the next train and forget about all of this. Arthur never has to know that he came all the way to London.

His phone buzzes in his hands.

_Oh u definitely r but I like it_

A huge smile breaks out on Merlin’s face and he sends off a quick reply as he makes his way towards the exit.

_Oh thank fuck. I’m almost there._

_good boy_

He’s at the corner, waiting for the light to change before he sees Arthur’s response. He smirks when he realizes how Arthur interpreted his last message. He considers not correcting him for a brief second but figures that will be counter-productive in the end.

_That’s not what I meant._

He gets distracted waiting for Arthur to reply and misses a turn somewhere, getting himself completely turned around. With a sigh Merlin pulls up the map on his phone and diligently follows the little icon on the map for the twenty-minute walk back the way he came until he is standing in front of a red door the map assures him belongs to Arthur.

He’s nervous as he rings the doorbell but hearing Arthur’s panicked scramble on the other side of the door helps to calm him. Smirking he calls out to Arthur through the door, “I know your home. Let me in.”

“Uh yeah, just…”

Arthur’s muffled voice responds with a tinge of panic. Merlin’s almost starting to feel bad here. He shuffles his feet, moving his backpack from one shoulder to the other and is about to call out again when Arthur finally opens the door.

Fuck, he’s even hotter than Merlin remembered.

He stands there eyeing Arthur up and down, blatantly ogling him while his brother gapes at him in turn.

“So,” Merlin begins once he’s remembered how to form words. “Can I come in?”

“What?” Arthur asks automatically, as if he didn’t hear him.

Before Merlin can repeat the question though Arthur continues, opening the door wider to let him inside. “Of course, yeah, come in.”

Merlin watches Arthur out of the corner of his eye as he walks into the living room and sets his stuff on a plush leather couch. Relieved of his burdens he slowly turns in place, taking in Arthur’s flat before finally settling on the man himself.

Arthur is watching him warily from the corner of the room, a guilty expression on his face. It reminds Merlin of what Will had said before, about Arthur having more to lose in this than Merlin does. Whether right or wrong, if everything goes wrong Merlin will still be protected by the folly of youth, whereas Arthur will bear the consequences for them both.

Merlin holds the power here and before anything else he needs to make sure that Arthur knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will never use that power against him.

As he opens his mouth to speak Arthur finally gets ahold of himself, beating him to it.

“What are you doing here?”

Merlin smirks, but before he can respond Arthur is shaking his head, “No wait, _how_ did you get here? Do mom and dad know where you are? They must be worried sick—”

Arthur’s no longer paying attention to him, instead he’s pulling his mobile out as he’s talks, presumably to call their parents. Merlin’s moving across the room before he’s conscious of making the decision to do so, plucking Arthur’s mobile from his hands and setting it on the counter behind him.

“Arthur,” Merlin says firmly, grabbing hold of Arthur’s arms and forcing him to look at him. “They know I’m visiting you, they’re not worried… and I took the train. As for why I’m here—”

He arches his eyebrow and gives Arthur a knowing look as he lets the words hang in the air between them.

“You should have let me know you were coming,” Arthur replies. His voice is almost steady.

“I _did_ ,” Merlin smirks with a glance at Arthur’s phone on the counter.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Arthur groans, looking embarrassed and guilty again. “God, I’m sorry Merlin, I shouldn’t have done that, it was wrong and totally uncalled for.”

“Arthur, stop,” Merlin orders.

Surprisingly Arthur actually listens.

“Sit down,” Merlin tells him, gesturing towards the couch. “I think we need to clear a few things up first, before—”

Merlin flails his hand a little in the Air, trying to encompass everything he can’t find the words for. Arthur gives him an unimpressed look but moves towards the couch anyway. He seems almost as surprised by his own easy compliance as Merlin is but regains his confidence quickly.

“Feels good giving me orders, does it?” he asks with a smirk.

“It isn’t unpleasant,” Merlin tells him with a smirk of his own as he sits down next to him.

“So,” Arthur draws the word out slowly. “Talking.”

“I’m going to talk actually,” Merlin corrects him. “For now, I just want you to listen, okay.”

He glances at Arthur and waits for his nod before he begins speaking again.

“I like you Arthur,” he begins. He can see Arthur opening his mouth to protest and stops him before he can make a sound, “No talking. For now, just listen.”

Arthur sighs, but doesn’t make a sound otherwise as he settles back on the couch.

Merlin nods and continues, “When I say I like you I mean that in every possible sense of the word. I mean that I want to rip your clothes off and worship every inch of your body. Your cock has had the starring role in every single one of my wank fantasies since you’ve come back. I dream about you throwing me against a wall and fucking me senseless…”

Arthur lets out a strangled sound, like he’s trying to choke back a moan. Merlin’s breath is a bit unsteady too, but he forces himself to continue, to get out the most important part.

“I like you. I want you. And that is all completely me. I was obsessed with you and thinking all of those things before I had any idea it was even possible you might want me too. You said before that what you did was ‘wrong,’ that it was ‘uncalled’ for… but _I’m_ the one that initiated that. _I’m_ the one who came to you, not the other way around.”

He paused to let that sink in for a minute.

“If you don’t want me, then I’ll accept that. If I’m not worth the risk to you that’s ok, I’ll leave you alone and never bring any of this up again,” Merlin continued. “But, if the only reason you’re trying to deny us something we both want is because you think it’s wrong or because you think you have to, or it’s some misguided attempt to protect me from you, or something… then, please don’t.”

The silence was heavy between them as Merlin watched Arthur. The tension building between them as he waited for Arthur’s response.

“Am I allowed to speak now then?” Arthur asked dryly, lifting his eyebrow comically at Merlin who let out a nervous huff of laughter.

“Please,” he prompted.

“Okay, I’m not sure where to start honestly,” he began. “I guess, it’s pretty obvious that I share you’re—I mean, it’s obvious that I want you too, that is.”

Merlin fought to keep his expression neutral as an overwhelming euphoria spread through him. He had suspected that the attraction was mutual of course, but hearing Arthur admit that he wanted him was making him positively giddy. It was a struggle to keep his face from breaking out in a ridiculously goofy grin as Arthur kept talking.

“But, even if we _do_ like each other like that, even if we _do_ both want each other, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re my brother and people are never going to accept the idea of the two of us together,” he finished.

“Okay, first off, the only people who know we’re related are back in Ealdor, and I can count on one hand how many I even care about. And hell, one of the people on that very short list is the reason I’m here in the first place. He told me to stop pining and fucking seduce you already.” 

He laughed at the flabbergasted expression on Arthur’s face.

“Will?” Arthur asked, recovering quickly.

“Will,” Merlin agreed, still smiling.

“Christ, I should have known,” Arthur muttered.

“Look,” Merlin continued. “You’re worrying too much about ‘what ifs.’ Maybe this is just lust and we’ll fuck it out of our system, maybe it’s more. Maybe I’ll move here for school and we’ll date. Here. Where no one knows me as your brother. My point is, we don’t know what the future will hold. All I’m asking you for tonight is to fuck me stupid and determine if we have anything to worry about in the first place.”

Merlin inched closer to Arthur on the couch, reaching his hand out to rest it gently on Arthur’s thigh as he canted his head in an open invitation, “So, what do you say, do you want to fuck your little brother or what?”

“Fuck, you’re going to be the death of me,” Arthur growled before yanking Merlin into his lap and pulling him down into a deep and filthy first kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from a phrase I heard a lot when visiting Viet nam. It's so popular they even sell shirts with the phrase. That or, "Same, Same, but Better." It's a phrase the vendors always say in the markets (who are frequently all selling similar if not the exact same things) to customers as they walk by. I liked the irony of it, this being a remix challenge and how it fit with the title of the original work.
> 
> I took the texting conversation directly from the original piece although the overall dynamic between Merlin and Arthur is different in this version. Merlin is still a Virgin in the penetrative sense but overall he's a lot less innocent than in the piece that inspired this fic.
> 
> Also, I made a conscious choice to make Arthur and Merlin technically related but not really feel brotherly towards each other because of the age gap. This was based off of personal experience. My brother and I are only 5 years apart, but I left for the military while he was still in Junior High and we didn't interact much before that due to the age difference. So we feel more like strangers who just happen to share the same parents. No, I don't have the hots for my brother, but this experience did influence how I shaped their interactions and relationship.
> 
> I am so sorry this is so late! I originally started a remix of a different story, then realized that one was going to be a really long, in depth, multi chapter fic once I was about 2 chapters in. Then decided retelling this story from Merlin's POV would be fun and short and sweet... and it still ended up being over 7000 words! During this time I also went on a trip to California and Disneyland, then a trip to Europe, then a trip to Oregon... and then I was completely and emotionally wiped... and then I got writer's block because I needed to finish this already and I was freaking out.
> 
> So, long story short I feel awful that this is so late and I ended up cutting the sex scene at the end. I have already started that scene though and may add it as a second chapter later if people are interested.


End file.
